Coming attractions

Well, I am excited that this will be our weekend away. A weekend away that is just for us, not going to visit the grandparents or going to a wedding or whatever. We are going to cheer on Our Team vs. their Arch Rivals.

It will be a heckova road trip, though. Google Maps tells me that our route encompasses 1,636 km. Perhaps that sounds daunting. It is, a little. But nothing in Western Canada is close to anything else. Which means these road trips are always long.

I am hoping that BB's cold will continue to improve, as it has seemed to over the past 24 hours. I am not sure how this all is going to work. He won't sleep in the car. Perhaps this road trip will cure him of that? I don't have high hopes.

If he is well when we return, I guess I am ready to go Fer*ber. I guess I should mention that the main problem we have is that he will not go to sleep on his own. On good days, he nurses to sleep. On bad days, it takes an hour of rocking and walking and bouncing and patting and hairpulling to get him to sleep. When you account for 2 daytime naps, bedtime, then 3-5 night wakings (thankfully, many of those wakings are before midnight), I spend around 6 hours every day helping him get to sleep. This must stop. If he can learn to fall asleep on his own, I will call it Nirvana, even if he does still need a middle-of-the-night feeding.

This inability to fall asleep on his own is a combination of his preference (what baby wouldn't want to cozy into Mommy to fall to sleep?) and my desire to be with him as much as possible. Frankly, he is irresistible when sleeping. I could sit and stare at him for hours, sleeping in my arms. But as nice at that was in the first few months of his life (and admittedly still is), it isn't very practical. I need to be able to get a few things done while he sleeps. And having to put him to sleep each time is an exercise in insanity.

Besides, I have too many hours inside my own head when sitting in a dark room, rocking my reluctant sleeper. My brain has travelled avenues of grief in those hours that I thought I had gently put behind me. Sleep deprivation + darkness + baby in my arms = too many thoughts of the baby who isn't here. Those thoughts just don't feel very healthy.

So, next week look for new photos of our road trip and tales of a Fer*berizing Mommy.