OK. So I have been too chicken to go to any Mom's groups. You know the anxiety. But I have decided that I will get my sh*t together, pack a diaper bag, and go to the Mom's group that is run by Public Health. On Friday.
God, it makes me nervous. I am hoping that we do that thing where everyone sits in a circle and introduces themselves and their child. If this happens, I am planning on saying "Hi, I'm [delphi]. I have two children. Our oldest son, C. died during labour in 2005. This is his younger brother, [BB]. He is five and a half months old." Get it out of the way, you know? Because I would hate having to answer the questions over and over with each woman individually.
But maybe I am imagining this group to be more like a support group than a Mom's group. I don't know what happens at Mom's groups. Maybe they don't go around a circle and introduce themselves. Since this one is run by Public Health, I do know that they often get people in to speak to the group. Smart doctory-type people. So maybe there isn't as much interaction between the women. I don't know.
I do know that I have no REAL friends in my city - only women that are high-level acquaintances. There aren't going to be any real friends unless I get off my tukas and do something about it.
And C. can't be an excuse.
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7 comments:
What a great idea. And you can always tell yourself that even if you don't happen to hit it off with any of the women right away, at least you're learning interesting things from the speakers.
I think you're right. It would be much easier to get the "how many children do you have" question out of the way just once instead of having to go through it again and again. And you never know. Maybe one of the other women has had a similar experience, so you would be making it easier for her too.
Good for you!! And I think you are so smart to have your answer all ready to go. I also agree that in a group like that (where the focus is on moms and babies) it is a great idea to let everyone know about both of your children.
I attend a women's spirituality group during the school year and that is the one group where I am very open about Molly and Joseph and my experiences with grief.
Mom's groups saved my life a few years ago. I was new to town, had no friends in the area, let alone fellow mommy friends.
I went to one similar to what you are describing and then went on and joined a playgroup which was totally different, but where I found more friends. Actually the playgroup was an offshoot of the first "new parent's support group thingy"
Good for you for being so brave!
I think it sounds like a great idea. However, one question.....what if they still want to come up to you and ask you more detailed questions about the loss? Will you talk about it? I don't envision everyone asking about it, but if a few do will you be able to talk about it? If not, have something else prepared for that. I have friend and she's in two mom's groups and they do all kinds of fun things like have Saturday breakfasts, and babysitting groups where one mom is sorta "on call" for a few hours during the weekend. It rotates and is planned so its on schedule. It's sort of a first come first served type thing to. You know you can always bring a book and hang back from the group if you are feeling overwhelmed. I have difficulties going to groups where everyone already knows everyone. Oh, you could call and ask for the number of some "regulars" and call them and ask them what the protocol for the meeings are so you aren't suprised. Good luck and post how it goes.
Monica,
I actually would be okay with people asking me more questions. I honestly don't mind talking about C.'s stillbirth and the details. It doesn't make me cry or feel uncomfortable. I am more hurt when I don't get the chance to talk about him, like he never existed. But I hadn't thought of that eventuality, so thank you for bringing it up. It will give me a chance to think through what I might want to say.
I am also wary of groups where everyone knows each other. I don't know if this Public Health group will be right for me, but I guess I won't know unless I try!
It sounds like the best way to go, to have the introduction all ready, including C.
You, my dear, are a brave soul. I am very impressed... Let us know how it goes! I hope you meet some nice people!
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