Well, of the 10 days of life our little Dude has lived, we have had but 2 nights alone. And our family members who have stayed with us have taken the approach of being "guests". Great. Just what I need - to entertain guests.
I have never had much of a solid relationship with my mother. I won't get into it here. Simply put, she and I just aren't on the same wavelength. Every time something of importance happens in my life, she feels left out and our "relationship" implodes. When I cut off my long hair without telling her first, when I shopped for my graduation formal dress, when I got married, etc. So I should have expected a dysfunctional response to this occasion, too.
To get her back on track, I have learned that the best thing to do is to completely shoulder the blame for all of the dysfunction in our relationship and kowtow to all of her requests. God, it is absurd and childish. But I have several decades of experience with her - it is better to do things this way.
She spent a few days with us this week. This meant that I spent my time biting my tongue while she prattled off sentence after sentence beginning with “Don’t you think you should ____." Bless my husband for not tearing off her head in anger.
I have been remarkably good at ignoring her. However, one of the things that she has said has really gotten to me. She accused me of keeping everyone away from me since C. died and "building a fortress" around myself. And my answer is this: of course I did!
So I ask you this: when you buried your baby, did you do what I did? Did you retreat to the relative safety of your husband and a handful of understanding friends? Did you put yourself out there a few times, only to discover that the clueless of the world would unintentionally hurt you with their thoughtless words? Did you discover that the only way to protect your soul from that hurt was to be increasingly careful about who you would spend time with, share your thoughts with, open your life to?
My mom is not wrong. I have built a fortress around myself and my little family. I do NOT apologize for it (though she thinks that I have).
Because we chose a name for this little guy that starts with a C, I think that I will refer to him as BB - short for Baby Brother. This way we can avoid confusion between my two boys.