Friday, October 06, 2006

The forest for the trees.

We are mere moments away from the Thanksgiving long weekend. Hooray for Monday off. Which, for me, means a wedding to attend and a family to feed. Which I am okay with - the last wedding of the season and the family that I can deal with (well, mostly).

I phoned to verify weekend details with one of my family members, PG. When we were discussing the upcoming wedding, PG asked if I had given any thought to who the other guests may be. How empathetic, I think to myself, that he would realize that going to weddings with people that I haven't seen since I was 7 is something that might be uncomfortable for me. That it is incredibly likely that someone who doesn't know our story (or worse, someone who does) will stick their foot in their mouth.

PG then goes on to point out that JF will be there, and reminds me that JF's father was killed in a horrible accident less than a year ago. So I should give some thought to what I intend to say to JF, you know, so I don't say something that I regret.

Um....Hello???? I can't tell you have disappointed I was in PG, that he wasn't able to see the implications of what he was saying to me. First, what on earth would I ever say to JF that would be so bad? Is she going to give any thought to how I might feel when she walks in with her 3 month old (doubt it)? Secondly, does anyone leave home and think "Oh, delphi might be there. I should remember not to gush about my new granddaughter and how everyone should have babies in their families" (um, that would be a resounding NO)? Did he imagine that I might say "so, how's life without the old man - I am so jealous!" (which is a variation on the "it must be nice to not have to chase after kids" that I get all the time)?

I think it is obvious that PG is nervous about seeing JF and is projecting that nervousness on to me. If anything, JF having a dead father helps me deal with (in my weird and sick way) the fact that she has a living infant. Puts us on an even playing field, in that sick way that my damaged psyche requires.

The thing that kills me is this: I deal with inappropriate comments on almost a DAILY basis. On the odd occasion where I have lamented this fact to PG, he has reminded me that I shouldn't take it to heart and that people mean well. Now he is warning me not to say those idiotic things to a bereaved daughter.... Seriously?

I can't really be angry with PG for this. I am just hurt that he doesn't understand me better - he is one of the people that I turn to when the chips are down. When he totally misses the point like this, it hurts me in a way that is hard to express.

I wish I had the courage and the opportunity to sit him down and explain it to him. More to the point, I wish I didn't have to.


More related to looking forward to the weekend - I almost forgot to thaw the turkey. It is about 12 lbs and will have 2.5 days to thaw in the fridge... I have never thawed a turkey before, so I hope that my Betty Crocker cookbook is right with the time. Or it may be a helping of salmonella for my Thanksgiving guests. Yummmm - with a side of cranberry sauce.

P.S. I think we should ban the Rolling Stones from ever touring Canada again. The Rolling Stones Report on the daily news has been driving me nuts every since they landed in Halifax a couple of weeks ago. They are icons, I get it. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!!!

Happy Turkey, everyone!


Emma's Mum said...

Happy Thanksgiving....thanks for checking up on me.

msfitzita said...

Hmmm, I have a friend who's getting married in Halifax this weekend.

Wouldn't it be funny...

Lorem ipsum said...

I swear, people are in their own little world. If they never saw the baby, it didn't exist. Only visible people they've seen in the flesh count. Asses.


The Stones played here two weeks ago. Boooooo-ring. Yeah yeah. People get so excited about stuff like that. I'd be more excited if someone I actually want to see (and can afford) would come.

sillyhummingbird said...

Yeah, people will just never get it. By nature, most people are asses b/c they can't deal with anything uncomfortable. I brought my son into work last week (I am off until January) and a male colleague I know fairly well put his arm around me and said "I am glad it worked out for you this time. The baby and all." Yeah, b/c last time REALLY sucked by him dying and all. UGH!

Happy Turkey!!