Post 38w

My OB stripped my membranes on Tuesday. I have had hours-long stretches of contractions here and there, but no real labour. Due to the small size of our L&D ward (3 beds), I have to wait until the weekend for the possibility of induction. Basically, there are people in line ahead of me and I have to wait my turn.

If it's your type of thing, please say a few prayers that I will go into labour ASAP. Though I don't actually like the idea of spontaneous labour, I would rather that than waiting much longer.

Today, this baby is the same gestational age as C. was. It's going to be a long day.

37 weeks, 3 days

I don't like this gestational age. Why? Because we creep ever closer to 38 weeks, 3 days, which is my personal time-bomb. C. was okay right up to 38w2d. Before that, there was discussion of induction due to slightly odd BPPs. We didn't do it. He died.

Not that I am going crazy here. But there is still no firm plan. My OB is going to check me early next week. He said he would prefer to use prosteglandin, made mention of stripping membranes, doesn't want to push things. I hope to God that by the middle of next week we are either done or in the middle of labour. Next Wednesday is my personal scary day. Please don't make me wait....

I don't like the lack of firm plan, though I understand that my OB is just trying to gently nudge my body into labour instead of trying a cold start. I just wish I could comfort myself by saying "Only ___ more days, you can make it only ____ more days..."

On the other hand, the baby's blanket will not be ready in time. Each day more brings me closer to at least being half-done.

So ready for this to be over.

36 weeks, 3 days

I woke this morning feeling wrong. At 4 a.m. I felt slightly nauseous, bloated, and had an off-and-on backache, with maybe 2-3 contractions per hour. It hasn't turned into anything, but I feel the type of pressure in my bottom parts that is reminiscent of how I remember dilation feeling. So I am confident that I am not in real labour, but that I might get lucky and go into real labour in the next week or so.

Please don't remind me that women can experience false labour and dilation for 3 weeks before going into real labour. I am trying hard not to remember that.

What is a little hard to separate is that my only experience with "natural" labour was with C. So I distrust my body. I am just very, very grateful that this baby is very active, and seems to move every time I get a little anxious. A very reassuring little baby.

I just don't like this end part.

36 weeks, 2 days

So I didn't call the OB. I decided it was better to just not think about it. Deny, deny, deny. Besides, if the baby has already had some sort of massive brain bleed, what are we going to do about it? And, double besides, if there was something to be told, I trust our OB would tell us. I am choosing to believe that we have nothing to worry about. It is a conscious choice that I have to constantly work at, but so far I am maintaining sanity.

I went for my 36 week check yesterday. He did an internal. No dilation or effacement, but the cervix is softening. I hope that all of these heavy duty BH contractions I am having will get some dilation and effacement going on in the next 6 days, so that things will be ready to go by next checkup.

I don't feel like a uterus is a safe place for a baby, come 37 weeks gestation. Get 'em out.

We are still not ready at our house. To avoid the sleeping-in-a-laundry-basket scenario (where does the Angel*care monitor go in that??), we hope to be ready by the end of the weekend. Then if I had the baby on Monday (37 weeks exactly), life would be perfect. Perhaps I can do a lot of heavy lifting and cleaning in order to start a bunch of contractions....

And that's where I am.

P.S. Still working. One more week. Sigh. What a drag.

Go

So, what would your response be if, by chance, you were looking at an ultrasound screen that was showing a picture of your 35 week baby's skull and brain and your OB said:

"What is the history of stroke or blood clots in your family?"

So freaking out a bit here. We tested negatively for clotting, etc. post-stillbirth, which is something of a relief, but the idea that the OB didn't really like what he saw is lingering with me.

Lingering in a bad way.

I didn't quiz him about it. I was a little too scared. I did tell him what I know, which isn't much. We actually don't have much history of stroke in our family.

At the end of the appointment he said that he was happy with how things were going and that he would start checking my cervix next week.

This can't be over soon enough.

Not that you probably care...

...but I figured out a way to work around the evil HR and payroll trolls:

WORK WEEKENDS!!!

Sure, I don't get to see or spend time with my family, but I can bank the days and finish work a paid week early. I am brilliant.

(posted from work)