Thursday, November 27, 2008

Take your poo and stuff it.


DO NOT ask me how old my son is, determine your son is two weeks younger, and ask me if BB is potty-trained. And DO NOT stand there with your eyebrows arched in a slight expression of triumph, mouth battling back a smirk. I am not in some Mom-Olympics competition with you.

I do not agree with your perspective on this battle-ground of potty training. Your manifesto - they say that if kids aren't potty trained by the time they are 30 months, they lose interest, especially boys - is essentially flawed, in my opinion. I don't believe that children are little robots that have to programmed before explicit deadlines or they lose power to essential systems. And I don't see very many 16-year-olds walking around in adult diapers because their mothers missed some magic window of time.

And while we're discussing how you are missing the point, let's try looking at the definition of "potty trained." To me, that means a kid who knows he has to use the bathroom, tells me he has to use the bathroom, then goes to use the bathroom. I may or may not help him, he may or may not miss the mark on rare occasions. But mostly, a potty trained kid is a kid who does the deed by himself.

What you described to me does not meet my definition. Putting my child in a cloth diaper so that he will feel wet is not "trained". Sitting him on the pot when I think is needs to do the deed is not "trained". Dealing with daily misses is not "trained." I could perhaps accept the argument that those things could be a part of training, but certainly not meeting the definition of "trained."

Lady, your kid is not toilet trained. And I don't care that you think you are superior to me because I am not going through the futile effort of "training" a kid who isn't ready. It is fully my intention to wait until he is ready for the process - and with this comes the hope that we can reach the end result of "trained" in a very short period of time (let's talk days/weeks, not months). Maybe it will work or maybe it won't. In the long run, I don't see him wearing diapers to kindergarten.

In fact, my babysitter (who has done this for 17 years and has toilet trained literally hundreds of kids) doesn't want to start that battle. BB is happy. He is not interested in toilet training. He is busy playing. She doesn't have time to run him to the pot every 15 minutes and she won't start with him until he can get into the routine quickly. (And p.s. - she thinks you're kidding yourself.)

So, let's be clear. This is not your business. Spouting off about how and when I should be toilet training my kid is not appropriate. Live and let live, I say. I won't tell you that I think you are nuts for trying to train a 22 month old and I expect you to exercise some of the same restraint.

But, since you started it - YOU'RE NUTS. Now back off.

Respectfully yours,
A Mom With Her Own Approach.

P.S. Now I feel better. This griping stuff is good for the soul.

P.P.S. Those who have done it, potting training war stories to share?


Catherine said...

We managed it after age three...with bribery. :o)

Cara said...

Ok - I have two girls, and, although I no proof that one sex is easier than the other to train, I will say - our girls were diaperless during the day at 2 years and at night at 3 years.

(NOTE: Buy stock in Pull-ups NOW!)

That said, I have a friend with a girl and a boy. Girl, same story as mine. Boy? Just turned four and still resisting!

My view - when they are ready it will happen and at THEIR suggestion.

kate said...

Yeah, i am a potty-training dropout. A didn't do it until 3 & 1/4...nothing could get him to do it until he decided he was ready. C. was almost trained by her 2nd b-day, due entirely to the teacher at daycare. C *loved* Miss Annie & would do anything for her attention, even pee in the pot. Unfortunately, at 2 she was moved to a different room and that was the end of that. She didn't make much progress (bribery notwithstanding) and as i was then pg with the twins, i didn't make too much of an issue of it. After the boys arrived, she was still in diapers for the first month or so, but then trained just shy of 3. I think it was to differentiate herself from them!

With the boys, we will see. They are usually in cloth at home so maybe they will train earlier than 3 1/2...i hope so!

Anonymous said...

My daughter is almost 2-1/2 is just now starting to show the slightest interest in the potty. And by that I mean watching me pee and flushing for me.
I call what happened to you a mommy drive-by. It happened to me at Target when I was buying (soy) formula when she was around 18 months. Mom behind me with a three-month-old raises eyebrows and says "she's still on forumula?" like I'm the worst mom in the world. And I said, "It's none of your business," because I'm a bitch.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I totally agree with you. I have three girls and every single one of them "trained herself." Basically because I was too lazy to put much effort into it until they decided they were ready. Two were 27 months and the other was 30 months. Waiting until they decide to do it themselves is so much easier :)