Monday, June 18, 2007


We went out to a gathering of my work colleagues on Friday. It was generally enjoyable. But there was a conversation that has been eating at me.

"Is this your parents' first grandchild?" she asked. The woman who sat with her husband in the pew at C.'s funeral.

I didn't know what to say. So I chickened out and answered, "Yes."

Trying to turn the conversation I mentioned my husband's nieces.

"So this is [your husband's parents] first grandson?" asked another woman. The woman who wrote C.'s obituary.

I nodded half-heartedly.

They were trying to be nice. They put up with me gushing on and on about BB for 3 hours. They were just trying to make conversation.

But why couldn't they remember that BB is NOT our first child? And choose their words accordingly? And why couldn't I muster up the courage and find the right words to gently remind them about our perfect son C.?

So, from now on, when someone asks me if BB is the first grandchild, I will say "C. was their first grandchild and BB is their second." For my sanity.


Kathy McC said...

I still don't understand why pretending that a child didn't exist is in some way acceptable or is supposed to make us feel better. I hate it. I am sorry... ((hugs))

msfitzita said...

I'm so sorry they didn't remember.

I promise that I'll never forget. Ever.


Samantha said...


I wish they would have acknowledged C.

It so hard when I have been in those positions and had to "play nice", but later I am the one upset because I didn't acknowledge Kenzie and say something.

So sorry.

Athena said...

Do what you just said you were going to do. I do. I know its hard at first, but I just had to get it out. I want people to know that Alex was a part of us, and will always be our second child. :) just some encouragement. You can do it!

delphi said...

I actually don't think that they forgot about C., but rather that they didn't feel that he counted.

Thanks for the support, everyone.

I also have decided that, in situations where it calls to be a little more diplomatic, I will say "My siblings don't have any children." Which I think is what people are asking when they ask if BB is my parent's only grandchild?