Tonight my husband took care of BB while I had a much-needed nap. When I woke up, the house was empty. So I walked over to my in-law's, where I knew they would be visiting.
On the way, I fought the urge to hurl my body at the ground, flail my limbs, and scream my agony for my dead son. He should be at Grandma's, too.
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Re your last post - I am still reading pretty regularly.
C should be playing with his little brother BB (under your close supervision of course, if my 2.5 year old niece is anything to go by). Sigh, I suppose those moments are going to come back for the rest of our lives, no matter how many children, how much happiness there is in the future.
It is possible to be happy about one thing and sad about another at the same time.
I don't think these ghosts go away. That's the reason -- or one of the reasons -- why I'm terrified to see my stepbrother's baby, who's exactly the same age as the twins would have been. I'm afraid that, whatever his baby is doing, I won't be able to help thinking that my babies should be doing that too.
There should be 5 kids sitting around my table every night.
But there are only 2.
And tonight there was only 1.
Kills me.
Hurling myself to the ground with you.
*sigh*
Yes. My children are in different order, but I feel the same way.
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