I have to admit that I feel the weight of this task quite heavily. My 200th post. I was going to write a silly little post about the amazing cucumber sandwich that I made (with a photo, even), but decided that I should take things a little more seriously and make this one count.
So what I have decided to do is a Thank You post. To all the wonderful women and men in BlogLand that have helped me deal with some ugly sh*t and kept coming back to support me more. Obviously, I can't manage to honour everyone (I just know I am going to make someone feel left out with this... sigh... please don't hate me...). So I will stick to those amazing women who have Been There, Done That. ------->
To the most amazing Mothers (and fathers) I know.
Julian's Mom: Well, frankly, I think that you know that you pulled me through the early stages of grief by the bootstraps. Or maybe we pulled each other. I don't know. But thank god that somehow we managed to connect through this information superhighway. Life is crazy and busy and we don't manage to email as much as we did before. But I definitely think of you, Natalie, Julian and Robert every day.
IMA: You know what I want to say.
Kate: I love that you are so open and caring. I love that you share so much of your experience and empathy with every bereaved mother you come across. I love that you look at pictures of my garden and give me the appropriate oooo's and aaahhh's. You are someone that I call "friend".
Laura: You know that we have a lot in common, beyond this horrible loss. I think of you often and I am holding my breath for your happy ending. You are such a strong woman.
Msfitzita: It is so obvious that you are a writer. You have this amazing talent of distilling your life experience into words in a way that cuts to the heart of it all. Sometimes I can't even manage to leave you a comment because your words say everything. You inspire me in ways you will never imagine.
Catherine: I truly believe that you have saved lives with the words you write in your blog. I truly believe that women who come to your blog, where you so openly share the best and worst emotions in your soul, leave with a sense of belonging. It is like you are in the same room, opening your arms wide and offering a hug. Because you feel our pain just as we feel yours. I think that you are the Blogging world equivalent to our communal best friend.
Sarah: Your honesty regarding your grief and struggles with depression have been a source of great inspiration to me. I have (as much as virtually possible) been riding the highs and lows of your path to this pregnancy. And lordy me! am I counting down the days to your due date! Your comments on my posts have always been so supportive and thoughtful - I only hope that I managed to offer something of the same to you.
dbm - I really doubt you will read this: you are a busy mama! However, for posterity, I want you to know that the day I sat and read your blog from beginning to end was one of the first times that I felt like there was someone in the world that had lived through what I was dealing with. Your honesty and wicked sense of humour connected to my soul in a way you will never know.
Treggles - Good grief, a man writing a blog! It blew my mind. Thank you for your insight on those posts that no one else wanted to comment on. I am so glad that you have gotten your happy ending.
Mad Mommy - in your previous blog, we were treated to amazing new terminology, like "the gd gd" and "m*l*liciousness". Your humanity, your sense of humour, your truth. I think we were/are in it with you 100%. I still look forward to whatever you get around to posting.
Julie: You always take the time to comment and that means so much to me. I am always glad to read your blog, since you are just a little further down the path than I am. I found strength in numbers, since our recent pregnancies were so close in dates. Thank you for always being so thoughtful.
Rosepetal: I hardly know what to tell you. So I will concentrate on the good for the moment. You were so hugely supportive during my pregnancy with BB. I think you are an amazing person. And now, with all of what you face, I hope that I am half the friend to you that you have been to me.
WTF: I doubt anyone was more supportive than you when I was pregnant. You are a crazy gal with a huge heart and quick wit. You always say what you think and I love that. No mincing words from you, thank god. As soon as I have the good news, a little something will be in the mail to you...
Rach: I love that you are so strong in all of your beliefs, yet you manage to be open to the beliefs of those around you. You teach me something every day - be it OCD related, faith related, or mothering related. I love that our boys are so close in age. I don't have to use too much imagination when wondering what A. is like! I think you are a fabulous, open-hearted, wonderful mom.
I think that I have to quit there, before I sprain a finger from all this typing. I chose to highlight these amazing women, which meant that there are literally dozens of others that I left off. There are so many more that I deeply respect: Niobe's profundity, Sherry's courage, Karla's wicked sense of humour, anam cara's perspective... and the amazing, supportive comments from Bronwyn, Lori, Kathy McC, Emma's Mum, mommy2miracles, three minute palaver, Erin, my Australian friend Kate, and everyone else!!!
I hope that all of you who faced Mother's Day without your child(ren) had a peaceful day.