Friday, April 13, 2007

Losing sleep over it

Well, I am working on BB's sleep habits. He has always been a late to bed, late to wake kind of guy. Our typical bedtime is 12:00 a.m. and he usually sleeps through until 11:00, getting up 3-4 times to nurse. He sleeps for a 6-8 hour stretch, then for shorter periods.

I am hoping to get him to bed earlier and get up earlier. So I went to this website when I saw an add for it on TV. It told me that he is getting too much sleep and that his sleep is disrupted. Actually, there is no problem with his sleep, he just goes to bed too late. But it made me feel guilty and like a bad mom. Like I am trying to get him to sleep so that I don't have to care for him or something.

I know that every mom goes through the constant struggle of "what is the right thing for my baby?". Some babies sleep more, some less. But I wonder if I might have an inordinate amount of stress over BB's care. I have already failed one child, in the worst of ways; I can't bear the thought of failing him, too.*

Then I just got mad. There is a whole industry that is based on this Mom-guilt that every woman carries with her. The TV add implied that this website would help me, which made me go to the website, which directed me to the "sleep solution" portion of the site, which did NOT offer advice, but rather told me that I am doing things wrong. Then suggested that I buy their products for BB's bedtime routine.

So here I am, feeling like a crappy mom, trying to convince myself that I am not, and it was all just an advertising scheme. No one benefited from this transaction except for J&J. And I don't appreciate their company using my emotions to make them money.

By the way, I aim for 15 hours of sleep, total, for BB in a 24 hour period. Not too much sleep for a 3 month old, according to the recommendations from public health. So J&J can stick that in their pipe and smoke it!

*Yes, I know that it wasn't my fault - that doesn't change anything. I couldn't save C. and that was a failure.


kate said...

Getting too much sleep? They're completely crazy. Babies can't get 'too much sleep'.

I do think an early bedtime is better for them, and you can work towards that by progressively starting his bedtime routine a little earlier each night. If he doesn't have a strict bedtime routine, it would be good to start one (bath/dress/nurse/cuddle whatever) which will make it easier when he is older.

Chloe had (has) alot of sleep issues and many people mentioned Weissbluth's book to me. This is mostly a sleep-training/ cry-it-out book but he does have alot of insight on how much sleep babies need etc. He says it works better when they go to bed earlier, like 8 pm (LOL!) but we did try this with Chloe and it helped. Online, if you read Ask Moxie on sleep, she gives alot of good advice...

No advice on the motherhood/guilt thing, only that i know where you are coming from (((((hugs)))))

rach said...

How I needed this post! I am at my wits' end...not knowing what to do for A. If you could see him scream and scream and pull his little legs up to his chest. I have eliminated everything from my diet I can think of...and still he screams. I am so tired, D., and just cried and cried to S that I am bad and selfish for wanting to put him on soy formula. I'm just tired of hearing him scream and seeing him in pain. Then I go online and read that I am bad and selfish for feeding my baby poison. "Why the judgement?" and "Since when do you care what other people think?" my husband says. I don't know. I just want him to be happy. Screw J&J and screw the breastfeeding nazis. Now, if I could only convince myself of that.