First of all, I am tired of typing out "my son" every time I refer to him. I can't think of anything cutesy that I want to call him, so we will go with his initial, C. This will hopefully reduce confusion when we get to picking out a name for this creature that currently is punching the living daylights out of my bladder (has his/her dad's sense of humour, I suspect).
Well, I was worried about weight gain. It isn't vanity, it is the "what if". With C., I gained nearly 50 pounds. Most of that happened in the second trimester. One of the arrogant OBs that checked on me during labour, when we already knew we would be delivering a dead baby, implied that his death somehow had to do with this massive weight gain. Mentally, I know that that OB was just an old, nearly-retired quack. Emotionally, I fear he was somehow right. In all of my attempts to blame myself for C.'s death, this is the thing that I can actually peg totally on me - I gained too much weight.
Then I remember how happy all the cakes and pies and cookies that I ate seemed to make C. and I am glad that I was able to spoil my son in that little way. And then I remember that weight gain has no impact on cord compression. And I remember that it all just came off (except 3 pounds) with almost no effort (lack of eating due to grief probably had more to do with it). Perhaps I am genetically programmed to gain more than average while pregnant.
That was perhaps a long and unnecessary preamble to make you understand my scale obsession. I weigh myself daily. Sometimes twice. I know you are supposed to weight yourself once a week, but I feel that it would foolish to go that long without knowing if I was on track for my 1 pound per week recommended gain. Don't worry, I am eating and eating well. I just am not allowing myself all the cakes and pies and cookies that I allowed myself with C.
So I had a bit of a ballooning in weight a few days ago (3 pounds in 3 days), which made me crazy with anxiety. I am thinking I was retaining water or something. I am back down the 3 pounds.
Now, to my S'mores granola bar and banana.