Thankful

I just heard that my cousin is pregnant. I love my cousin. And I am truly, genuinely, totally, and entirely happy for her. I don't remember the last time I felt like that about a "normal" woman's pregnancy. Apparently my cousin miscarried once (she hasn't ever mentioned the miscarriage, it just got through the family grapevine), but she has always maintained she didn't want children. I just knew that she did. I am so pleased that she is part of the way there.

I am so grateful to be happy. Mostly I feel fucked up and jealous about other babies and pregnancies. I hate to hear of them. I don't want to be jealous; I just am.

Please let this baby arrive, the epitome of perfection, safely in January.

And thank God and the passing of time that I can feel happy about a baby.