Sunday, January 20, 2008

So far...

...not so good. Things have NOT improved on the time-management front. I know what I need to do to accomplish all of my to-do items in a day: curtail my "enjoying the baby" time to the bare minimum and completely give up all leisure activities.

I am not very good at doing either.

Something I learned when C. was born: nothing makes you feel like a guilt-riddled failure quite like becoming a mother. The sensation has only grown exponentially since then.

Speaking of failing, I made the mistake of reading about all the wonderful teaching moments that I have let slip by in BB's life. One year old and I have already coddled him too much. He's not walking yet and doesn't really eat much on his own and can only handle pureed (not mashed, etc.) food that I feed him in small bites (though large portions). Here's the thing, though. I don't feel guilt over those things. I won't push him; he is the most amazing child (everyone says so) and he can move at his own pace. But then I do feel like crap that I haven't managed to teach him a handful of words, that he is an individual person, and to communicate in full American Sign Language sentences.

Oh, and I think he might stop nursing soon, of his own accord. That is going to hurt my heart, it is. I fully intended to nurse until the summertime, albeit only morning and bedtime. He just isn't interested anymore.

I am too freakin' sleep deprived to make sense (we have all been very sick). OK. I have no idea what I am saying here.

I need a fairy godmother or a robot to come along and take some work off my list of things to do.


Rosepetal said...

(((Delphi))). I don't have any assvice except for saying that you're not a failure! I can imagine it to be a very hard adjustment, after one year of maternity leave, to go back to work. Don't be too hard on yourself, it hasn't even been a month yet. BB has to make an adjustment too and it sounds like that's what he is doing. But it doesn't mean that he's worse off in anyway - just that he's adapting to getting older.

And I know a lot of kids who didn't walk at 1 year old and are perfectly fine now. My 1 year old nephew only says "Ga". He says it with varying tones and intensity and looks but it is still just "Ga". And he has a living older sister who talks nine to the dozen and a SAHM.

kate said...

I dunno, where did you read what you should have been doing? Maybe the book needs to be thrown away.

He is his own individual person, and the acquisition of language is a very wild milestone. Talk with your ped if you are concerned but he sounds just fine to me. Some kids just don't like chunky food, Theo is like that -- any little texture and it gets spat out immediately. I suspect he will get over it but only because he has to compete with Max, if he was a singleton i am not sure what i would do about it.

I am sorry he is uninterested in nursing...this is the sort of thing that happens right around when they learn to walk (so much physical development that they are too excited to eat) so maybe that is what is going on there.

I wish i could send a fairy godmother your way!

kkaripugh said...

My daughter, now 18 months, didn't walk until 15 months. And she wasn't eating anything real chunky til about a month ago. I was afraid she'd choke on her 1st birthday cake. It's so rough, having lost a baby, to see babyhood slipping away in your living child.

Julia said...

If I ever catch a fairy godmother in a jar, I will be sure to send her your way, after I've made her fix everything around here.
I think BB is just fine, and if it makes you feel any better, Monkey never learned any sign language (even though we had friends teaching it to their kid), and she talks a mile a minute and is rather bright if i say so myself.

pipsylou said...

Lucy watched 5 hours of Dora yesterday. I spent way too much time on the computer. BB is well WELL loved. I won't let guilt eat me alive if you won't.