We have been awfully busy around our house. BB just finished his first set of swimming lessons, we went to visit family for the Thanksgiving long weekend, and I have reread the whole Harry Potter series.
Today I had to fill in a form for BB's music class.
"Child's Position in the Family: ____ of ____"
I put "1 of 1". Didn't feel like putting "2 of 2 but his brother is dead", for some reason. It took a lot of thought, though, before I filled it in. What do I want to do, where do I want to go with this?
I am starting to find myself feeling more frightened that BB is going to die in his sleep. I don't know why this is happening now - perhaps his preference for tummy sleeping? I don't know. It isn't very much fun, though.
Comment this weekend: "How nice we can all be together for Thanksgiving. It is just sad that Grandpa Bob couldn't be here - he is the only one missing!" Ummmmm?
BB looks so like his brother. A blessing and a curse.
I wish I had something more profound to write.
In January of 2005, my son C. died. Then he was born. These are the 8 million pieces of my life, as I pick them up,one by one.
And now, featuring the addition of our second beautiful child, BB and his lovely sister E.
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6 comments:
I understand the "blessing and the curse". My first son was stillborn at 40 weeks and 3 days in August of 2006. I just had a living son (born Oct. 1st, 2007) and he looks just like him. It's nice because I get to see what Jimmy would look like, but when I see Andy sleeping, it makes me want to cry because how much he looks like his big brother. And yes, I stare at him for hours to make sure he is still breathing.
This is pretty profound.
I'm with Rosepetal.
And your post makes me realize that, even if by some unlikely collection of miracles, I were ever to have a baby, I'll never know if he or she looks like the ones that died.
I hate filling in those forms for school that ask questions like "names and ages of sibilings." Of course I only list the living siblings, but it still stings.
Thanks for the update, I was starting to get a bit worried given the lack of recent posts ;) So glad you are all doing well. Hows the sleep going?
I totally empathise with the insensitve family comments, we had one recently, and I stewed over it for days. I guess these things will always occur, but it doesnt make them any easier to handle. My thoughts are with you.
Hugs
Sorry about the family comment.
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