Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Irking me

I know why people give me "new mom" advice. This is the first time a baby has lived in my house under my care. But when I get all this commentary about how "the first one is always easy to take care of - just wait until the second one", I want to scream "THIS IS MY SECOND ONE!!!!"

But where would that get us?

15 comments:

Rach said...

ok, now that's something I WOULD scream. This IS my second one. Why can't you say that? Is there a rule you can't?

Aurelia said...

Oooooh, do it, just once to see the look on their faces.

Ruby said...

Do it, for all of us.

I have four older children that are adopted, one baby boy miscarried after seven weeks, a daughter born prematurely who lived only three and a half hours and a son. When my son was born (only living biological child) I STILL got the 'new mom' advice.

Do they think before they speak?

niobe said...

You don't even have to scream it. You could just say it in a puzzled tone, as though you're reminding them of something that you can't understand how they could have forgotten.

Be prepared for a lull in the conversation as they try desperately to think of something to say.

Aussie Kate said...

I'm with the rest of the gang on this one - just say it. It doesnt have to be screamed, just add in a tone of puzzlement and indignation. that should put an end to their insensitive comments.

I had someone make the same comment to me, but I let it slide. I now regret that.

Catherine said...

I think you should say, "You know, you're right...my first was incredibly easy to care for." LOL!

Julie said...

OMG I am constantly told how I do things differently with my "second" baby. The sad thing is, most of it comes from my in laws!! When I was pregnant with Lauren, I constantly heard how I woulnd't take as many pics of my SECOND baby. People are idiots.

Z said...

there have been many times that i've corrected people when they ask "will you be going for a 2nd one." my blood literally boils and i say "no. but we'll be trying for a 3rd. Mia may not be with us but we still count her as one of our children." every time, they feel like asses and i do nothing to change that.

missing_one said...

yeah, I ditto everyone. Just say it. Then they can feel stupid with their diarrea of the mouth. Maybe they'll stop giving you so much damned "advice"
But that's me, the bitter beyoch.

kate said...

yeah, do it! Heh heh heh.

Granted, i wouldn't have the guts...

Mad Mommy said...

ooooo, this is a HUGE pet peeve with me. i hate the questions about whether my (living) son will be an only child, but what really got my goat was FUCKING PREGNANCY ADVICE when I was pregnant with him, SEEING AS HOW IT WAS MY SECOND FULLTERM AND THIRD TOTAL PREGNANCY. oh, i just got it - the stillbirth and the miscarriage must have occurred because i didn't know how to be pregnant. and don't even get me started on all the l&d advice i got for my second son, AFTER MY MUCH PUBLICIZED VAGINAL DELIVERY OF MY STILLBORN SON. there is so much stupidity in the world, i can hardly stand it. as to the response, i mostly said, "yes, that's how it was for me last time," or something along those lines, which mostly made people shut up but sometimes made them look like they'd just swallowed a large insect.

Lori said...

I know these comments are so hard. Baby Girl is frequently, and will probably forever be referred to as our "third." And I have to be honest, I have learned to let that be. That is easier, for me. That doesn't mean I wouldn't wholeheartedly support any mother who felt the need to demand all her children be counted. It just comes up so often that I don't have the energy to always be clarifying, "really she's our fifth." And besides, like you said, I realize the point is that she is the third child we get to raise.

Nevertheless, in my heart, I never forget for a moment that she is not my third. Not for a moment.

missing_one said...

Thanks for the comment. Yes, I would love more info. I'm in the stage where I'm trying to find out everything I can about what happened.

Athena said...

I would say it too! and yes add the puzzlement tone to it!! Maybe then you wouldn't get advice that doesn't mean anything, but, maybe you'd actually get some advice you could use!!

Julian's Mom said...

UGH! I hate it! I thought people had stopped "new momming" me, but a friend who I thought knew better referred to us both as "new moms" today in a work meeting. Grr. And my sister-in-laws, who have otherwise been so thoughtful, always talk about what it's like with "the first." It always catches me off guard and stuns me into silence.