Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Ranting in Every Direction

I would like to thank everyone for the support on April 28th post. I want to clear up/rant about a few things:

  • I rarely watch reality birth story shows. However, I caught one that was touted in my TV guide as "working model receives bad news about twin pregnancy" and thought, are you serious??? some fluffy, feel-good birth story show is doing a REAL pregnancy, including loss??? only to discover that the producers managed to gloss over the loss. The 40 year old model experienced a vanishing twin in the early weeks of her pregnancy, which the producers chose to let the mom talk about for about 30 seconds, and then on to the fun stuff. This was the impetus for the Ap. 28 post - I was so excited to see a pregnancy including loss on TV and the treatment of the loss was so laissez faire. Like, well, she has one baby, so doesn't really have anything to complain about. The vanishing twin, though mentioned, was a non-event.
  • I haven't wished ill for anyone that I care about. I only feel that disgusting tug of hatred for people that I don't know. For people who could have had 12 losses for all that I know. That is partly why I think the emotion is so ugly...what do I know about these people that would make me want their lives to be torn apart??
  • I just wish that someone who people listen to, like Oprah, was out there fighting for stillbirth research. I don't care if the person is a celebrity, but our society listens to celebrities. So, it frustrates me that the voice of parents is so quiet. Every day I hear of some terminally ill infant/toddler in the news because our medical system is failing them. I really appreciate that this is an important issue. I do. But there is never any mention of stillbirth. I bet if we looked at infant/toddler mortality rates vs. stillbirth rates we would be shocked into action. But, oh well, it happens, nothing we can do.
To sum up, the post of Ap. 28 was for me to stop lying to myself and lying to the public (well, I think I will still lie to the public, face-to-face). I needed to say that sometimes I do want the baby to die. Now I have said it. 'nough said.

Now, on to timely topics from my circles of entertainment. NHL Hockey. Our country is gripped with Hockey Fever, with a number of Canadian teams heading into the playoffs. It is still mathematically possible that 4 Canadian Teams could move through the quarter finals, though perhaps not practically possible.

I realize how stereotypical this Hockey Fever is, but I am Head Musher on this Dogsled. I am loving watching all of the games. If hockey isn't for you, then choose another sport. In sports, there are no pregnancies, there are no babies, there are no discussions of mothering/motherhood beyond the "I owe this to my parents" comments that the players make. There is a definite beginning and a definite end. In hockey, players occasionally take out their aggressions on other players. When the game is over, you turn off the TV, kiss your husband and go to sleep.


kate said...

Good for you for enjoying hockey -- i am not much for sports but i totally understand the appeal of something so *definite*.

Re birth show -- yeah, i would have done the same thing, watched it to see what the bad news was and then been totally disgusted! Oy.

Catherine said...

It's funny...the wishing death concept...because I have learned to separate my feelings toward the baby and toward the mother. I don't wish the baby will die...but I do wish the mother would understand me...and for that to happen, the baby has to die. It's an interesting catch-22 for me that I haven't fully explored (probably because I'm afraid to admit some ugly things about myself).

Sherry said...

I did exactly that last night: Watched the Hurricanes score in sudden-death overtime, thus eliminating the Canadiens (sorry!), kissed DH goodnight, and drifted off to sleep.

Yes, the general public needs to be more aware of infant mortality in general. It's almost like an urban legend; most people have heard stories, but don't personally know anyone who's suffered a loss. Therefore, it's easier to assume and believe that all pregnancies end healthfully and happily, rather than to think that something so horrific actually does happen and happens more freqently than a person cares to imagine.