Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Share and Share alike
This post brought to you by today's sponsor (yes, I tapped this into my Palm whilst waiting for an event to start, brought it home, HotSynced, cut, pasted, and posted...sometimes you just have to deal with stuff in weird places!)
I went to a recent support group meeting and had the strange experience of connecting to the people that were there. Why strange? Simply because that would never have happened a few months ago. When I first began attending this group, it was peopled almost entirely by bitter,angry, frustrated females. Yes, I have bitterness. Yes, I have anger. Yes, I have experienced frustration. But, never, through my whole grief experience, have I ever DEFINED myself as bitter, angry, and frustrated. It's certainly not that I am 'better' than these women, just living a totally different experience.
I don't have anger issues, as a rule, in my life. Guilt, yes. Anger? Not really. Which makes it quite unlikely that anger will define my grief journey.
At the most recent meeting, the Bitter Crew have basically ceased coming. Most have gone on to have subsequent pregnancies, and quit the group (something that always made me feel left behind and inadequate).
These new companions on This Road are much more kindred spirits. More plagued by hurt, guilt, and sadness. Like me. I hope to have contact with these women between group meetings. I have experienced a weird excitement whenever I knew that our group was expanding. I feel guilty for that - I really don't want more babies to die. But, it takes a minute quantity of loneliness away whenever I meet other 'real life' parents of dead babies.
I never really knew why I kept going to the group meetings when I was not relating to, or getting support from, the women there. I guess this is why I stuck it out - now there are women that I can share with and relate to.
And I saw that it was good.