Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Good thing Maverick ain't my man...

...because I am losing it. And perhaps some psych-drugs are in order for me.

I hate the Celebrity Baby Buzz. Why does entertainment "news" inundate us with baby "bumps" from all directions? Why am I incapable of ignoring it (I pick scabs, too)? Have these kids already, I am sick of hearing about your pregnancies Brangelina and TomKat!!

To add fuel to my self-pitying fire of disgust, I received this lovely little email from a former college classmate today:

Sorry for the group email but I can't wait to tell as many people as I can - before my dad does! The time has finally come for us to settle down and start having a family. We are expecting our little bundle of joy to arrive some time around December 6.

We are so excited and truly blessed.

My comments? Yes, I did use my Due Date Predictor to determine that she is, you guessed it, a grand total of 6 weeks pregnant! I have always been irritated by people who announce to the world the moment the line turns pink.* I never speak to this woman, I rarely see mutual acquaintances, I wouldn't know her dad from Bono if he fell on me. I could have gone for months without having to think about yet one more person who is pregnant. In fact, I could have missed the blessed event entirely, years down the road hearing that she has 3 kids and not really caring. But no, I get this lovely personal email.

Seriously, if you want me to know that you are expecting, I have earned a little respect and empathy. My son died, and I have refrained from driving off a cliff. For that reason, if you feel it important that I know you are procreating, you can share the news with a little tact. You could call me, or send a personal email if you are too chicken to call, and say: "I feel like you are an important person in my life, and I don't want to hurt you by allowing you to hear through the grapevine...I am pregnant. I know if must be difficult for you to learn of other people's pregnancies, but I thought that the best way to handle this would be truthfully and personally. I will follow your lead in this - if you want me to keep you in the loop, I will. If you don't want that, I will respect your wishes. I don't expect you to scream with excitement; I am okay if this news causes you to shed a few tears. I won't try to console you with hollow words like 'it will be your turn soon' or 'now your little angel can guard my baby'. I have the utmost of respect for you and your experience and I will allow you to control the flow of information. And I won't abandon your friendship as my duedate approaches, in fear of your bad luck rubbing off. You are a person who has earned my respect." **

But do you want to know the real reason I am ranting like this? To try and stop the Am I? Am I not? Am I? Am I not? chorus that refuses to stop circling in my brain. I swear, here and now, that I will NOT pee on a stick until I am sure. I will NOT waste expensive medical devices by using them before they have a chance of working. I solemnly swear that I will try to pull myself together instead of sitting in my office mentally composing an announcement post, choosing names, and shopping for maternity clothes.

Every month I allow myself to hope and every month I am crushed. Why oh why do I let myself believe every month that this is the magic one??? Hell, I am not even sure that we managed to have sex on the right days this month. Gah!

Bring on the Prozac.

*though recently I have begun to exclude sufferers of multiple miscarriage from the Annoying ones. Or anyone who has suffered a loss, really. For us, we are celebrating while we have something to celebrate about. It is the Naive Ones that really annoy me.

**There, now that I wrote that letter to myself, I feel better. I will now pretend like Ms. Oblivious wrote that letter. Amazingly, I actually have one friend who has treated me with the aforementioned respect during a recent pregnancy. What a gift to have such a friend.


kate said...

Yeah, that is totally annoying, an announcement at 6 weeks. Naivite, kiss my ass.

I just noticed your comment on my blog, from before, about the support group meeting. The annoying woman was a woman who had suffered multiple m/c and she was very self-centered. She didn't seem to notice that some of the things that she said were very hurtful to the other people there, so it irritated me to no end. She seemed like some kind of golden girl, who expected everything to be easy and was more than anything shocked that this particular part of her life wasn't working according to her plan. The kind of person who will soon forget her m/c babies, when she is able to bring a live one home. I have not been able to find your related post (neither link worked) but i will go and keep looking...

delphi said...

The post was called "Share and Share Alike" on Wed. April 5.

It is frustrating when you go to support group and one person sucks all of the energy and you are left feeling emptier than you were when you started (as if that was possible). I often wonder why I keep going...

Julian's Mom said...

Thanks for writing that letter to yourself. It helped me, too. Thinking of you!

Laura said...

Oh, that letter helped me, too. I need to save it somewhere--maybe put it on my fridge. I'm a member of the Delphi fan club :)

RACH said...

Though I have not had a stillbirth, one of our twins died at 13 weeks, and the other one had all kinds of birth defects. The glib naivete bugs me, too. A close friend had a stillborn daughter, and another close friend, who had just had a baby said, "Oh, they can try again, right?"


btw, i love the picture in your profile. and I love Bono. I should have discovered thsi blog a long time ago.