I hate the Celebrity Baby Buzz. Why does entertainment "news" inundate us with baby "bumps" from all directions? Why am I incapable of ignoring it (I pick scabs, too)? Have these kids already, I am sick of hearing about your pregnancies Brangelina and TomKat!!
To add fuel to my self-pitying fire of disgust, I received this lovely little email from a former college classmate today:
Sorry for the group email but I can't wait to tell as many people as I can - before my dad does! The time has finally come for us to settle down and start having a family. We are expecting our little bundle of joy to arrive some time around December 6.
We are so excited and truly blessed.
My comments? Yes, I did use my Due Date Predictor to determine that she is, you guessed it, a grand total of 6 weeks pregnant! I have always been irritated by people who announce to the world the moment the line turns pink.* I never speak to this woman, I rarely see mutual acquaintances, I wouldn't know her dad from Bono if he fell on me. I could have gone for months without having to think about yet one more person who is pregnant. In fact, I could have missed the blessed event entirely, years down the road hearing that she has 3 kids and not really caring. But no, I get this lovely personal email.
Seriously, if you want me to know that you are expecting, I have earned a little respect and empathy. My son died, and I have refrained from driving off a cliff. For that reason, if you feel it important that I know you are procreating, you can share the news with a little tact. You could call me, or send a personal email if you are too chicken to call, and say: "I feel like you are an important person in my life, and I don't want to hurt you by allowing you to hear through the grapevine...I am pregnant. I know if must be difficult for you to learn of other people's pregnancies, but I thought that the best way to handle this would be truthfully and personally. I will follow your lead in this - if you want me to keep you in the loop, I will. If you don't want that, I will respect your wishes. I don't expect you to scream with excitement; I am okay if this news causes you to shed a few tears. I won't try to console you with hollow words like 'it will be your turn soon' or 'now your little angel can guard my baby'. I have the utmost of respect for you and your experience and I will allow you to control the flow of information. And I won't abandon your friendship as my duedate approaches, in fear of your bad luck rubbing off. You are a person who has earned my respect." **
But do you want to know the real reason I am ranting like this? To try and stop the Am I? Am I not? Am I? Am I not? chorus that refuses to stop circling in my brain. I swear, here and now, that I will NOT pee on a stick until I am sure. I will NOT waste expensive medical devices by using them before they have a chance of working. I solemnly swear that I will try to pull myself together instead of sitting in my office mentally composing an announcement post, choosing names, and shopping for maternity clothes.
Every month I allow myself to hope and every month I am crushed. Why oh why do I let myself believe every month that this is the magic one??? Hell, I am not even sure that we managed to have sex on the right days this month. Gah!
Bring on the Prozac.
*though recently I have begun to exclude sufferers of multiple miscarriage from the Annoying ones. Or anyone who has suffered a loss, really. For us, we are celebrating while we have something to celebrate about. It is the Naive Ones that really annoy me.
**There, now that I wrote that letter to myself, I feel better. I will now pretend like Ms. Oblivious wrote that letter. Amazingly, I actually have one friend who has treated me with the aforementioned respect during a recent pregnancy. What a gift to have such a friend.