tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24605535.post2641960178108266276..comments2023-10-11T05:47:54.958-06:00Comments on Eight Million Pieces: Who knows where it comes from?delphihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07529670960180261467noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24605535.post-88741734467093011512007-03-08T15:24:00.000-06:002007-03-08T15:24:00.000-06:00When people ask, I never include the twins. But t...When people ask, I never include the twins. But then, they were babies #2 and #3, so the question doesn't come up in quite the same way. <BR/><BR/>What does pain me, a little (and I know that this makes absolutely no sense), is that my son, when asked, always says that he's an only child. Somehow, hypocritically, I wish that he could acknowledge his little brother and sister.<BR/><BR/>Though, of course, if I can't bear to do it, why should he?niobehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10685766216611639434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24605535.post-29869347233393288082007-03-07T17:37:00.000-06:002007-03-07T17:37:00.000-06:00When a stranger who I'm never going to see again a...When a stranger who I'm never going to see again asks me if J. is my first I just say yes most of the time because I don't want to deal. If its someone I'm going to see again, or if for some reason I just feel like it I say "no we lost our first" and usually just move right on. Sometimes when I tell someone I'm never going to see again they say how they lost one too or how their daughter did or something. I think sometimes I just know when its the right time to open up a little and when its not. However in the very early months it was very very hard to be asked and I never knew what to say and even when I thought I prepared I'd end up crying afterwards a lot. I wrote a piece about it on my LJ that helped me put it in perspective a little.spryngtreehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12020704572037565814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24605535.post-8976795874346432612007-03-06T11:33:00.000-06:002007-03-06T11:33:00.000-06:00late to the game, let me just say that i had an ou...late to the game, let me just say that i had an out-of-nowhere crying jag this morning, more than two years after the fact. i don't think there's ever official closure.<BR/><BR/>i keep struggling with saying "no" to the "is he your first?" question. i try to smile when i say no. i feel too crappy when i say yes, so i try to be honest but take off the edge with the smile. i try to remember that someone always ends up shortchanged in these exchanges, and i try to make sure it's not hans or me. that's all i can be responsible for.laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12650967136734094216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24605535.post-9781045072370795852007-03-04T17:02:00.000-06:002007-03-04T17:02:00.000-06:00I think I should have said "balance my expressions...I think I should have said "balance my expressions of love" - I totally agree that the measure of love that we are capable of is infinite. However, the amount of time we can devote to expressing that love can sometimes be curtailed. Thank you, though, for pointing out the words that I used. It actually helps to think of it as a time issue, not an emotion issue.delphihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07529670960180261467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24605535.post-83967988121958491432007-03-02T10:36:00.000-06:002007-03-02T10:36:00.000-06:00Yes, i do believe rosepetal is 100% right on that ...Yes, i do believe rosepetal is 100% right on that one.<BR/><BR/>Also, the thing about these grief moments is that you can't really escape them...they come anyway. But, really, how could they not?<BR/><BR/>Umm...how do i answer? Depends on the situation. Usually i don't include Nicolas, unfortunately. Sometimes i say 'two living' if i feel up to dealing with it. When Chloe was a baby and people asked me if she was my first i would say 'no, my third' and field the next question of age as it came. If you say 'he <I>would be</I> 3' without saying 'but he died', people don't pick up on the meaning of <I>would be</I>, i found. But people do immediately pick up that 'two living' implies 'and at least one dead'.katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16536809590856333391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24605535.post-73005824425677970872007-03-01T14:27:00.000-06:002007-03-01T14:27:00.000-06:00Oh Delphi. I'm so sorry. Maybe C. is jealous. It w...Oh Delphi. I'm so sorry. Maybe C. is jealous. It would be completely normal. You will be able to explain to BB about C. <BR/><BR/>Something you wrote struck me. I don't think you have to balance love. There isn't a finite quantity that you have to divide up between the receivers. It grows to expand the need. If you didn't love C. as much as BB these emotions of utter sadness that he isn't here wouldn't even be there. I think what you're balancing is the time you spend thinking about C. with the time you spend with BB. But it's not the love that needs balancing. <BR/><BR/>lots of love<BR/>RPRosepetalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11198906406934870970noreply@blogger.com